Grave

August 2018

Funeral Flowers

22nd April 2018

June 2018
Grave
How often should you visit the grave of your loved one?
A question I have asked for many years.  Personally, I have never felt the need to visit a grave and have instead always preferred to look back at photos or sit quietly and have a think about all the memories I have of that person.  By not visiting the grave has never meant that person has not been in my thoughts.  However, when Elizabeth died I have found it reassuring to visit her almost every day.  Maybe it’s because I was with her when she died, I held her after she had died and visited her in the chapel of rest.  I know that she is snuggled in her beautiful pyjamas with her favourite blanket, clutching her favourite rabbit comforter and snuggled up with bunny which matches her friends.  When I visit the grave, I can picture her looking comfy and I can imagine holding her.
As we enter our 5th month without Elizabeth I no longer need to visit the grave everyday and instead try and visit a couple of times a week.  I enjoy watering the plants and keeping it pretty. I love keeping a photograph there, so people know how beautiful and smiley she was.  I have also started to buy pink flowers each week, my little something in honour of Elizabeth.  I especially love roses.  James picked a pretty windmill earlier this year and he always comments on how it is always turning when he visits or drives past.  He is comforted by this and feels like it is Elizabeth showing us she is watching us.  I am a little more of a realist and feel like it is just a windy spot!  I do however love the spot, we can see our house and it is under a beautiful oak tree which has provided some lovely shade from the sun during what has been a beautiful summer. 
The girls find it more difficult to visit the grave and are never too keen to visit with me, however Johnny has become quite used to our visits once we have dropped the girls to school.  He does often ask difficult questions such as, ‘can we dig her up?’ ‘why can’t Elizabeth come home?’ We always talk honestly with them as I never want them to feel out of the loop and not involved.  Johnny is still so confused though.
We also love people to visit the grave, a few people have asked us if it is ok.  We love the thought of Elizbeth still being involved in so many lives.  When we visited a few days ago we noticed ‘Elizabeth’ made from twigs beside the grave and it was heart-warming.  We have seen other children visiting another grave and they are also attracted to Elizabeth’s grave because it is so pretty, and it has a beautiful photograph.  It is also quite unusual to see a baby’s grave in Colyton.
Overall, I love the fact we can see Elizabeth’s grave from our house and we look forward to getting the headstone in place, so other people can get more information about our beautiful and brave little girl.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Biff's Battle Book update

Image
At the beginning of my book Biff's Battle I remember saying that I loved writing but had never thought I would write a book! So pleased that I managed to get it published and so pleased to have raised money for Little Bridge Hospice and Grace Kelly Ladybird Trust.  I am so pleased that people know more about Elizabeth's journey.  The idea of a blog came from the CLIC team. So many people have asked me how did I cope? I always say it was hard and I missed the children so much, but on the other hand I got to have one on one time with Elizabeth.  We cuddled, we played, watched television and chatted to the nurses.  We also had plenty of visits and presents too! Ever since Elizabeth was diagnosed in June 2017, I never took a moment for granted with any of the children.  When a consultant tells you that your child will die within the next 2 years, a child who has been nothing short of perfect since she was born, it makes you realise that you have to grab every opportunity to
Read more

Anniversaries

Image
 I cannot believe that 4 years has passed. With the arrival of the littlies over the past few years days pass by so quickly I rarely get the chance to write now!  The 14th April 2022 marked the 4th year without Elizabeth. Every 14th April is unbearably difficult but this year was  made even more difficult. James’ cousin got married. I have been dreading the day for a year and a half and it wasn't any easier than i imagined.  Our saving grace was getting to the hospice the day before for a return visit. I felt our shoulders drop during the day. Conversations with the nurses there were so refreshing… they just got it and understood how we manage to function 364 days of the year no matter how difficult but 1 day a year it is important to us to have a day dedicated to Elizabeth rather than conversations which have involved people saying, ‘its been a few years now its time to move on’ and ‘you have your girl now’.  ‘Could you celebrate the 14th another date and come to the wedding?’ The
Read more

Grief

Image
Grief. Such a taboo subject... When Elizabeth died I wondered what could possibly help.   I am a reader, so I looked to books and began my search.   There are a few self-help books on the market, but I was surprised to find very little choice.   There were even less written in the UK with many written in America.   I had to get on with things for the other children, but I just wanted to read something which mirrored some of my feelings.   I had always remained so positive up until Elizabeth died, I needed something else to help me see some positives somewhere! Rewinding back to when Elizabeth started to get grizzly and sleepier than normal.   I knew something was wrong, but I always hoped for a miracle, I have found stories where the tumour suddenly stabilises or suddenly shrinks.   I also hoped for some treatment just to give us that bit more normal time as a family and get her on that trip to Disneyland.   Unfortunately, that was not meant to be, however even when we sign
Read more