25th March 2018
Our stay in Little Bridge Hospice.
On the 23rd
March 2018 the ambulance arrived at Exeter hospital to transport our CLIC nurse,
Ali, Elizabeth and I to Little Bridge Hospice.
It was so emotional leaving Bramble and I was so scared at where we were
going. We had dragged our heels for so
long about visiting the hospice. We had
a planned visit at the end of January 2018 but Elizabeth had become poorly the
day before and so we had to postpone.
James had been busy on the farm and his Dad was having treatment for prostate
cancer, we had also been very nervous about going and we were not sure if we
could psych ourselves for going again! After
speaking regularly to our contact nurse on the phone though we had decided to
book a visit when we returned from our Disney trip.
When we
arrived on the Friday at 1pm I was in agony with a bad back and felt very
overwhelmed by the amount of people welcoming us! James and the children
followed soon after and straight away were scooped up by Niki (the sibling
worker) who took them off to make slime!
We were very lucky at the hospice we had 3 rooms set aside for the
children and a private en-suite room for James and I. We were all together which was so reassuring
as the siblings normally sleep upstairs.
The hospice also boasted a beautiful main garden and a Narnia garden, a
conservatory, a soft play room, a messy play room, play room, music room,
sensory room, kitchen, living room, jacuzzi and games room (computers). We all settled in quickly, but Johnny was a
little nervous of the social mealtimes, he also developed a temperature in the
first 24 hours of being there.
We had a
quiet first weekend and apart from a short walk outside to the local town we
stayed in the hospice and gave ourselves plenty of time to cuddle Elizabeth. By the Monday we were ready to do a ‘proper’
trip out but weren’t sure how the nurses felt. They were more than happy and
gave us some good recommendations. They
also gave Elizabeth some extra pain relief to help with the transferring in and
out of the car. Elizabeth was fine and although
she slept through most of the trip she enjoyed spending time with all of us and
the sea air at Westward Ho. We also
talked about getting some casts made of Elizabeth’s hands and feet. The bereavement nurse also helped to make a
thumb print which she could use to make a pendant for me. I made sure throughout our time there that I
took photographs galore.
We managed
to also get out for plenty more trips during our time at the hospice; Croyde,
Saunton Sands (Everything’s Ellie Beach Hut), Instow for lunch and the Atlantic
shopping village.
As we got
to the Tuesday/ Wednesday at the hospice we started to talk about the
possibility of going home for a few days.
It did mean that the morphine syringe driver would be changed to
something we needed to put down her NG tube and I needed to learn how to
prepare it at home as well as another tablet for anti-sickness which had to be
crushed. We had family get the house
ready for our return and I got excited about returning home. As lovely as it is in the hospice with lovely
food and comfortable surroundings you do start to miss home and being able to walk
around in pyjamas.
I remember
one of the nurses talking to us about the possibility that Elizabeth might die
at home, we needed to think whether we would go back to the hospice then for a
few days or stay at home. It was a good
thing to think about, but I really aimed to be back at the hospice by that
point.
We managed
5 days at home and then decided it was the right time to return to the
hospice. Everything was ready for our
return and the children settled quickly again.
Being at the hospice gave us time together, time for visitors, James didn’t
need to worry about helping on the farm, the children were well entertained, and
the food was amazing. During the last
week the nurses were always attentive to Elizabeth and there was one nurse who
got some family shots for us and put the best into a frame. These are all special things which we
treasure now. Johnny has very fond
memories of all the toys, especially the button tractor and bikes he loved to
play on and the girls especially loved the music therapy and all the craft they
did with the sibling workers.
When Elizabeth
died the hospice was such a help. Our
contact nurse, Mel, helped us to design the order of service and contact the
funeral directors to arrange Elizabeth being taken to the chapel of rest. It also gave us time to spend talking about
how we were feeling and time to contact people to arrange the funeral. It was even little things like the bank,
benefits people and even her library card.
While the children were entertained it also gave me chance to ring
friends and have some time to read hymn and prayer books to find readings. James ended up finding them in the end because
he had the time to research, we would not have had this at home. We also
compiled a group of our favourite photos and videos of Elizabeth to send to a friend
of my sister in laws, she put together the beautiful video and I am forever grateful
for that, we watch it so much. I also spent time in the chapel room which was
stunning, a light and airy room and was great to have time to think. Elizabeth
stayed in the star born room till the Monday and although it was very cold it
was homely, and we could put what we liked in there to make it feel
special. The children were not so keen
on the room, but it gave us time to say goodbye and we even took lots of photos,
this may seem odd to other people, but I like to remember what she looked like
right at the end, no matter how sad it made me feel.
Even though we were using the hospice for end of life care and we knew we had to make the most of the days we had with Elizabeth, it didn't always feel sad while we were there, we still have many happy memories of our time with Elizabeth at Little Bridge. If we had managed a respite stay it would have been even more amazing!
I remember
our CLIC nurse, Louise saying, ‘no-one wants to go to the hospice’ but also
that no-one hates it when they do go.
She was right, and I would love to talk to any family offered time at
the hospice to help reassure them that it is not a sad place, and everyone is ‘normal’.
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