Anniversaries




 I cannot believe that 4 years has passed. With the arrival of the littlies over the past few years days pass by so quickly I rarely get the chance to write now! 

The 14th April 2022 marked the 4th year without Elizabeth. Every 14th April is unbearably difficult but this year was  made even more difficult. James’ cousin got married. I have been dreading the day for a year and a half and it wasn't any easier than i imagined.

 Our saving grace was getting to the hospice the day before for a return visit. I felt our shoulders drop during the day. Conversations with the nurses there were so refreshing… they just got it and understood how we manage to function 364 days of the year no matter how difficult but 1 day a year it is important to us to have a day dedicated to Elizabeth rather than conversations which have involved people saying, ‘its been a few years now its time to move on’ and ‘you have your girl now’.  ‘Could you celebrate the 14th another date and come to the wedding?’ The wedding we were never officially invited to?! It made me feel angry that people could dance, drink and celebrate the day Elizabeth took her last breath cuddled up with Ella. A day where we spent our final few hours with our little girl before moving her into the star born room at Little Bridge. 

I think since that day we wish to surround ourselves with people who love and care about us and our feelings. I am so grateful for close friends who check in on me through that day and do the small things which mean a great deal. I am also so grateful to children’s Hospice- Little Bridge for understanding and getting us and having the oppotunity to have a few hours where we don’t feel like we are dramatic or still stuck in the past and being allowed to feel how we feel. 


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